My first introduction to the self-growth and personal development field was nearly twenty-five years ago while working a temporary job at a major book publishing company. Boxes of new titles arrived at the office weekly, and among them were newly released offerings by Louise Hay and Susan Jeffers. I learned about the importance of positive thought and mindset and intention as I was in the midst of making – let’s just call them “questionable” – major life choices.
Fast forward a good number of personal growth books, courses, and affirmations later, and I became a mom for the first time at the ripe old age of 29. My own mother had given birth to me (her only child) at 41, a fact which I was to regard with some awe and much greater respect later in life. I remember thinking at 45, “I can’t imagine having a 4 year-old at this point.”
Motherhood dramatically changed the way I looked at life and the possibilities ahead. After my daughter was born (four years after her older brother), I left their biological father and began a new chapter. I remember journalling every day until there were no more tears left to cry, releasing all of the anger and grief I felt at losing the dream of our happy family. It never really was, though…I recall the peace I felt when he finally moved away to another province and left us to rebuild our lives.
I’ve always considered myself to be a pretty upbeat person and I continued to work on positive affirmations and goal-setting. But I didn’t experience as much success as I’d hoped for – I allowed a lack of support from my then-partner to tank my network marketing business, I gained a LOT of weight, and I came to a point where I needed to rethink my whole outlook and lifestyle. I left my job and started a virtual assistant business for coaches (after being introduced to coaching through bartering my services for free coaching sessions.) I learned a great deal about the law of attraction, the business of coaching and the steps for success. Around that time I also discovered Abraham-Hicks, whose uplifting message absolutely resonated for me then – and still does today!
But even though I “knew” intellectually what was required for success in health, relationships and wealth, and I had done a personal excavation and was (at least somewhat) aware of what was holding me back, I didn’t experience the success I was seeking. After long years of study and application I was still doing battle with debilitating fears that kept me playing small. “Not smart enough, not good enough, just NOT ENOUGH” was the mantra I would hear every time I attempted to step outside of my comfort zone. I isolated myself and wondered why, no matter how great my desire, I couldn’t translate theory to reality.
Truthfully, it wasn’t until I allowed myself to seek soulful support – which specifically helped me transform my long-held fears and blockages – that things really began to shift. I began to understand how to actually put into practice the concepts I’d learned, and how to finally release the limitations that I’d permitted to hold me captive for so long. The incredible changes that have taken place in my life in the last couple of years (and the last few months in particular) have left me feeling as though I’m living in an entirely different Universe.
And despite the sometimes rocky journey it took to get here, I’m seeing the good in all things.
And so, I believe, can you.
March 3, 2014 at 12:33 PM
I’ve been in that place too, and often wonder, as I peel back the next layer of the journey, if I’m still not there, just a different there than I was before. The feelings of not being enough, not doing enough can be so paralyzing to our lives and to our own success. I’m so happy that you’ve found your soulful journey, and you’ve embraced it so beautifully. It’s heartwarming and healing to all of us.
In the same context, have you read Anita Moorjani’s book, “Dying to Be Me?” She embodies so much of the meaning of a soulful journey, especially the aspects of which you touch on so beautifully here.
Blessings to you, Carolyn. And thanks again for the continued inspiration.
March 5, 2014 at 12:03 AM
Thank you , I haven’t read the book but will definitely add it to my list…I appreciate your kind feedback. Namaste ❤
March 3, 2014 at 4:06 PM
Followed from the 31dbc.
Wow, I really resonate with your story! And with your mom’s…I had a child at 41. It was funny to me that I had to wear reading glasses to see the face of my newborn.
Anyway, nice job here and in your contribution to the world. I would love to connect with you again.
March 5, 2014 at 12:05 AM
Thanks so much for your comment, it’s a pleasure for me to read your kind words and to realize (again) how interconnected we all are! Blessings to you! 🙂
March 5, 2014 at 5:24 PM
Thanks for the lovely reminder that all things are possible.
March 5, 2014 at 10:43 PM
Thanks Debbie, just checked out your site & signed up for your newsletter. Love the possibility that money is everywhere! 🙂